I need to blog this out

I need to blog this out. I just don't know what to do. I WANT to be a RTS, but at the same time I shudder at the thought! It's just that I don't know what to do. And yesterday I had to FORCE my thoughts, which is something that I have NEVER had to do before. NEVER! So you can see how I might be a little big confused. So I just don't know what to do. I could become a RTS and let down Emily-wa and a bunch of other people, or I could take the easy way and become a RTS. Which might be a good idea. I mean, I have already done enough damage, wouldn't it just be a good idea to mess up my life good and thouroughly now? I mean, sure, that isn't a brillient plan, but still...Whatever. I can't even think anymore, so why should I make a decision?